Going Home

Where do you go, when you dread coming home.  Not really dread maybe, but once you get home, you wonder, how long will it take tonight.  How long before he starts in, how long before the first loud voice, how long before the first tear, how long before you are dragged down a path you never wanted to go?  Now I'm not saying that every night is like this, but maybe that's the problem, not knowing.  What will the night bring, not honey I'm glad your home, let's sit and talk, tell me about your day, anything that may be considered normal conversation.  No my night is what's wrong with the world, how corrupt the US Banking system is, then of course they takes us to the evil "Fake Jews" over in Israel and how anyone who supports them is supporting the Synagog of Satan.  Even when I try and ignore it, even when I try to leave the room, he keeps it up.  How Christians are mislead, and those that lead the churches are leading us straight to hell. 
And when he says something, that suckers me in to the conversation, then it begins. The personal attacks.  How long can a person be told they are evil and still go on the next day.  Sometimes, I just want to crawl into bed, put in earplugs and pull the covers over my head.  Most nights, instead of making my phone calls and working my business, kind of hard to do when you are crying, or afraid what he may say in the background, I plunge myself into the computer and pray for him to return to his room, to his computer to fill his head with more ammunition to throw at me tomorrow.  I pray that I am awake before he is, and out the door before he awakes, otherwise it starts first thing in the morning and then I am off to work in tears.

This is not meant to be a pity party, and it's not about getting someone on my side, this is because sometimes I need to say what is on my mind, and maybe just maybe someone might actually be able to tell me what I am doing wrong, or how I can change what I do, or whatever to make life a little more bearable.