Another Night

Here I am waiting for my husband to come home and wondering what to expect. Will something set him off tonight, will he have another episode? I wait praying for God to bring home my loving, happy husband, but there is no way to be sure who will come home. No he has not been diagnosed with bi-polar or depression, of course he has never gone to the doctor either to see if there is any help available. But still something is going on. So I wonder and wait to see what tonight will bring. I write to have a place to put my thoughts, to be able to get some perspective in what is happening and to maybe be able to find ways to help him and protect myself. Yes I know that there are things that set him off, finances, not enough sleep, hunger, and of course my weight. I know if is up to me to take care of myself and lose weight, but how can I make the process faster? And then if I do lose the weight, what will be the new thing that sets him off. I know that it is hard for him also, he wants so much to be able to serve God in ministry and with these "episodes" that seems almost imposible. Of course I don't tell him that, I encourage him to pursue his calling. I pray for God's healing and intervention. All I want is my husband to be all that I know he can be, all that God created him to be. I love him very much and will be here for him always. God give me the strength and grace to do just that.